special feature by Pastor’s wife, Diane Scallon
originally posted on pastorluke.net
I vividly remember sitting at a funeral memorial service where a wife spoke for over 25 minutes of all the great things about the husband she had just lost. With tears rolling down her face, she shared with us how great a man her husband was.
What really mind-boggled me was the fact that she had been in the middle of filing for a divorce from him. She had spent the last several months talking about how bad the relationship was, and how he was not measuring up.
Don’t get me wrong. I do have a sympathetic heart and I do care. I know that she was hurting. I know that a loss of a spouse is extremely hard. And I prayed for her heart.
I share this story only because I learned something that day in 2013 which speaks volumes in my heart still today. We should not wait for tragedy before we speak our appreciation of someone.
I want to encourage each of us:
- To use our days wisely.
- To not waste the life God has given us.
- To really treasure the people God has put around us.
- To use our words for edification, nourishment, and love.
There are many hurting relationships, and a large part is due to the focus on all the negatives rather than the positives. This can be in marriage, friendships, or other relationships.
How easy is it to complain? To point out all the things that are not going the way we think they should? To express all the ways that the person is not measuring up? Or to judge them based on their past?
It is importance to foster a grateful, godly heart! As I work to teach my children the art of loving God, a big part of it is teaching them not to complain and throw tantrums about everything. In fact, it may seem like a toddler thing, but it really does progress into adulthood. If our kids don’t learn it soon, they will not only complain about us as parents, but about their teachers, their friends, their wives, and really then, complaining about God. An ungrateful heart is dangerous. It can poison our attitudes and affect our relationships.
It is important to train our minds to fixate on the good. To encourage others in the gifts that God has given them. To nourish them in the truths of Scripture so that together, relationships are growing in Christ. We should not overlook the sin of complaining and ungratefulness. It is sin, and we should actively work to put that off and put on joyfulness and gratefulness.
I would encourage you to read Philippians 2. In fact, if you do have time to pull out your Bible now, that would be great. I am going to focus on verses 14-16.
14 Do all things without complaining and disputing,
15 that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,
16 holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.
We see here that we should be doing all things without complaining. We need to steer away from our natural tendencies, and put on a new behavior of joyfulness. When we do that, we are becoming a witness of God’s power and greatness. We can learn from the perfect example of Christ, who, with complete humility, put others before Himself. It is important that we do not wait for disaster to begin voicing out our thankfulness.
Altogether then, relationships begin to flourish for God. Satan is put to shame. And God is magnified.
Are we living a life that reflects our belief and trust in God?
Are we living a life that deeply radiates the joy of God?
Are we living a life that exemplifies the commands of God?
Are we living a life that magnifies God?
If you’re going through a rough patch in your marriage, take some time to think about all the good qualities in your spouse.
If you’re going through a rough patch with your friends, take a moment to ask God to help you focus on why you were friends in the first place.
If you’re struggling through sibling relationships, take a moment to ask God for humility and reach out in love.
If you’re struggling through relationships in the church, keep praying, and consistently be obedient to the commands of Christ and fruit of the Spirit.
Ultimately, don’t be ashamed or afraid to speak the good qualities because regardless of their response, you’re being obedient to God in your kindness.