We received news yesterday of the loss of a beloved church member and dear sister in Christ. Many of us are well acquainted with the heartache of death and the ongoing struggle with grief. Yet, the pain is real, like an emotional punch in the gut that leaves us gasping for air.
Death is a harsh reality that confronts without warning. We walk through a fresh season of loss, even as the throbbing from past losses still reverberates among us. We would escape the pain, but God would have us to endure seasons of pain and to know His presence. Rather than asking, “how can we overcome our grief?” let us instead take time to grieve and seek God’s comfort as we do.
Ecclesiastes 3 makes it clear that life “under heaven” (on earth) is one with imperfections and struggles. We are reminded in particular that there is “a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:4). Death is truly a sad and sorrowful thing, leaving us broken and hurting. While we celebrate the departed believer’s presence with God (John 14:28), it comes at the cost of our own unwilling forfeiture of their presence with us.
Therefore, grieving in our time of loss is important! But in what manner should we grieve?
- With sorrow, not hopelessness
When Jesus arrived in Bethany at the scene of mourning when Lazarus had died, “He was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled,” (John 11:33), and He wept (John 11:35). Jesus was already planning to raise Lazarus; yet, He wept tears of sorrow. It was truly a painful time. But it was not the end for Lazarus. Neither is death the end for the believer! “But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13). Eternity with God is our greatest hope!
- Unhurried but unsettled
In our pain, we may feel compelled to stifle our grief and move on, or to avoid it altogether! The emotional pain is uncomfortable, but when we don’t take the time to truly feel what we feel, we cannot move forward emotionally. Many ongoing emotional struggles have deep roots that have gone untouched for years, and they create a greater stir within us!
We must give proper time to deal with our hurt; however, we must not take up residency in our sorrow either! There’s no prescribed time for grieving, and grief will come in cycles. But God never intends for us to become stuck in our sorrow. Let us live for the purpose God has for us as we are still here!
- With others
We might be tempted to withdraw from others until we find healing. But we are not meant to be alone in our grief! Yes, we will come to God in solitude at times (Mark 1:35). However, we ought not neglect the community that God has given us in the church. After all, we are told in Romans 12:15 to “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” We need one another in our grief, and we need those who grieve to be with us so that we can grieve with them.
- Running to God, not from God
No doubt that death brings difficult questions. We may even struggle with blaming the sovereign God who could have prevented the circumstances we’re facing. Even Mary, who loved Jesus deeply, must have struggled with questions and accusations when she said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:32). Yet, she said this as she hurried to Jesus and fell at His feet. We, too, should not push away from God with our confusion, but come to the God of compassion. We won’t get all the answers, but He is the God of all comfort! How I love when my children, when upset at me, will come crying to get a hug even in their frustration. We can go to God in the same way!
- With praise
Who could forget the words of Job: “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21). That can be a difficult place to come to in the midst of agonizing grief! But the Psalms are a great place to turn: acknowledging pain and struggle, but finding foundation and even healing in praise. Psalm 13 starts with questions like, “How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?” (Psalm 13:2) yet concludes with “I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me” (Psalm 13:6).
In this season of pain, let us grieve together and find healing in the hope of the gospel together!